We Are Only Responsible For Ourselves

responsibility

Ok, I love this picture and everything it stands for.

Too often are we tricked into thinking we are responsible for the actions or happiness of others, when in reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure we have a responsibility to be aware of how our own actions will effect other people, but this is different from being responsible for their happiness entirely.

Family, friends and partners are the three most common sites of misplaced responsibility. Caring about the people you love and wanting to help them achieve what they are setting out to is great. I would encourage it, but you can’t make it personal if they don’t do well or are unhappy. That has nothing to do with you, if you make it your responsibility it will exhaust you. Not only is it impossible to control how other people feel but you will only end up hurting yourself in the process, especially when you realise that you can’t help everyone, you will feel as though you have failed.

We often modify our behaviour in relationships to try and please our partners, thinly veiled by thinking we are making a compromise. Compromising is essential in a relationship, don’t get me wrong, but you have to keep an eye on how much you are giving up in comparison to your partner, If the balance is unequal, you may be doing too much just to please them. This is unhealthy, you can’t change yourself to make someone else happy. Even if you do, a hard lesson to learn is that it will never be enough, if they want to change one thing about you it will snowball until you don’t really recognise yourself. Don’t sacrifice your own happiness because you are trying to please someone else.

What we need to focus on is ourselves. As the picture states, our actions, words, efforts, behaviour, mistakes, ideas and consequences of the above are the things that matter. If we all focused on these aspects I would wager not only would we be happier but collectively we would be doing better. Stripping away your preoccupation with other people’s feelings and actions, and putting all your effort into your own makes it easier to do better. A weight will be lifted off your shoulders and sort of free’s up space and time to do things you have been putting off. Take the time to focus on your body, focus on your mind, focus on how to help causes you care about. suddenly this all seems easy, you aren’t worrying about all the other things that don’t apply to you anymore.

This is not to promote being mean or selfish in any way, but just to stop wasting your time imagining you are responsible for other people. They are their own people just as you are yours. If they followed this advice then I bet they would be happier too!

 

How the Spice Girls are still spicing up lives in 2019

If you were alive from 1990 onwards then there is a very large chance that you, at the very least, know who the Spice Girls are.

If you have only been alive for a month or have lived out the majority of your life in the jungles of Papa New Guinea then you may have missed them. Even then I wouldn’t be surprised if Spice fever had infiltrated even the most remote corners of the planet. During the 90s they were a force to be reckoned with.

As many of you may have realised, the fashion choices that encapsulate the 1990s have made a roaring comeback; if you thought tube tops and chokers were a recent style innovation then I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Ginger, Sporty, Scary and Baby announced that their reunion tour will be taking place this year (Posh is rich enough to not have to do it), which has prompted a fresh wave of Spice Girl enthusiasm to grip the nation, myself included. Upon this information, I have been voluntarily submerged in Spice Girls documentaries and constant one man listening parties of their smash debut album, Spice.

During this wonderful time, I have been overcome with a wave of déjà vu, and not just because I’m reliving the heart break of finding out it was Ginger who split up the group… No, it struck me that every iconic look sported by the 5 piece has miraculously regained relevance at the same time. Fate you work in mysterious ways.

Below is a list of classic Spice Girls fashion which are giving us everything in 2019.

Ginger 

spicee

Okay, as previously mentioned, my favourite member of the 5 headed pop monster is Ginger. This is essentially because I too, am ginger and aside from the Little Mermaid there were very few redheaded icons when I was growing up, so when you found one you clung to them. Ginger is known for a few style choices; that Union Jack dress for example but don’t worry I’m not about to start campaigning for flag chic anytime soon.

Geri was admittedly the shortest member of the group and thus always relied on a platform shoe to get her past Vicky B’s hips. Not only are platform shoes huge again (seriously no pun intended) but they are so in nearly every variety shoes can come in. Heels, Flats, Trainers, Sandals, you name it, we are probably elevating it a couple of inches at the minute. As if this wasn’t enough the actual brand shoe that the copper goddess used to don, Buffalo, are being stocked again in Urban Outfitters. I rest my highly stacked case.

Sporty 

spice sporty

Two words my friends; Active Wear. Its back and we have spent ridiculous amounts of money on it. In classic Spice Girls ‘less is more’ fashion, sports bras are now acceptable equivalents for T shirts and the 90s midriff is seeing some sun again. Alongside this, tracksuits are not just in fashion but kind of fashion themselves. Brands you would expect such as Nike, Adidas and Lacoste are capitalising on the trend but even big ‘fashion’ names like Yeezy, Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger are getting involved. Comfort is in, and I’m loving it.

 

 

Baby

spice baby

Remember a couple of posts ago when I said Pastel hair has been popular lately, well so is pastel everything else a la Baby Spice. The ‘baby’ equivalent of nearly every colour has been splashed across the racks in shops recently and its prompting major nostalgia. The only way we could add to the Baby Spice look would be to make things shiny/iridescent too but come one that would just be too mu…Oh wait, that’s exactly what we have been doing. Fabulous.

 

Scary

spice scary

I would argue that Scary had the most eye catching garb of the girl gang. Lots and lots of co-ords in a neon pattern or leopard print is what she could most commonly be found in. co-ords have been popular for a few years so it would be a  bit of a stretch to let her claim responsibility for that, but leopard print especially is back in a big way. Neon has also been very popular again this past year, especially in the world of hair. I have seen so many leopard print items being sold on Topshop and Urban Outfitter’s websites it is actually getting ridiculous. Even fashionista herself Victoria Beckham features more than one item of the leopard variety in her clothing line. When two (Spice Girl’s fashion choices) become one indeed, it’s like inception.

Poshspice posh

Okay, well, posh just always wore a little black dress and some strappy shoes, that’s never gone out of style for it to come back so she has just been a permanent fixture. Then again for some absurd reason she isn’t going on the tour so I’ve decided she doesn’t count.

So thus ends my list. Let me know If I have missed anything/ if there is a trend you wish would come back but just hasn’t yet. We all have one…

J

Be Kind To Yourself

self love

When I do my daily binge of social media, I am accustomed to seeing many posts which present a thinly veiled statement of what the sharer thinks about them-self. It is sad but amongst the vanity and the delusion, the prevalent emotion is insecurity. This can manifest itself in many ways; Someone you know has put on weight only posting photos from a year ago,  a feed full to the brim of body selfies coupled with long ‘deep’ captions to try and imply they are more than the pair of boobs they just posted etc…

These are very common occurrences, and believe me when I say I’m not judging anyone for it, I partake in plenty of selfies too. But there are some people who bypass these clues and just come out and say it. They post pictures or upload stories outlining what they hate about themselves, once or twice I wouldn’t really bat an eyelid, but I’m talking every day. It really makes me sad.

I am a huge believer in how we are influenced by our surroundings and the people we spend time with. For this reason I advise people to carefully consider who and what they expose themselves to. If you are in an environment that promotes happiness, healthiness and ambition you are going to be onto a winner in most cases. However, sometimes that is not enough. Some people are their own worst critic and are unbelievably harsh on themselves. I would argue that this is unhealthy. As this picture states, be careful what you say to yourself, because if it is all negative, you are going to start believing it. Think of yourself as a sponge, we absorb what is around us and hold onto it until someone wrings it out of us. Awful metaphor aside, this is the season of wringing.

In 2019 I think we should all focus on self love and self improvement. I have seen some bloggers saying that the self love movement for this year could lead us into a selfish society, but I disagree. To say that we need to focus on our own interests and happiness does not automatically inhibit us from helping other people do the same, in fact I would encourage it.

The main thing is to be kind. To yourself, to other people, to animals it doesn’t matter, just be kind. Life is too short to be mean, especially to yourself.