We Are Only Responsible For Ourselves

responsibility

Ok, I love this picture and everything it stands for.

Too often are we tricked into thinking we are responsible for the actions or happiness of others, when in reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure we have a responsibility to be aware of how our own actions will effect other people, but this is different from being responsible for their happiness entirely.

Family, friends and partners are the three most common sites of misplaced responsibility. Caring about the people you love and wanting to help them achieve what they are setting out to is great. I would encourage it, but you can’t make it personal if they don’t do well or are unhappy. That has nothing to do with you, if you make it your responsibility it will exhaust you. Not only is it impossible to control how other people feel but you will only end up hurting yourself in the process, especially when you realise that you can’t help everyone, you will feel as though you have failed.

We often modify our behaviour in relationships to try and please our partners, thinly veiled by thinking we are making a compromise. Compromising is essential in a relationship, don’t get me wrong, but you have to keep an eye on how much you are giving up in comparison to your partner, If the balance is unequal, you may be doing too much just to please them. This is unhealthy, you can’t change yourself to make someone else happy. Even if you do, a hard lesson to learn is that it will never be enough, if they want to change one thing about you it will snowball until you don’t really recognise yourself. Don’t sacrifice your own happiness because you are trying to please someone else.

What we need to focus on is ourselves. As the picture states, our actions, words, efforts, behaviour, mistakes, ideas and consequences of the above are the things that matter. If we all focused on these aspects I would wager not only would we be happier but collectively we would be doing better. Stripping away your preoccupation with other people’s feelings and actions, and putting all your effort into your own makes it easier to do better. A weight will be lifted off your shoulders and sort of free’s up space and time to do things you have been putting off. Take the time to focus on your body, focus on your mind, focus on how to help causes you care about. suddenly this all seems easy, you aren’t worrying about all the other things that don’t apply to you anymore.

This is not to promote being mean or selfish in any way, but just to stop wasting your time imagining you are responsible for other people. They are their own people just as you are yours. If they followed this advice then I bet they would be happier too!

 

Be Kind To Yourself

self love

When I do my daily binge of social media, I am accustomed to seeing many posts which present a thinly veiled statement of what the sharer thinks about them-self. It is sad but amongst the vanity and the delusion, the prevalent emotion is insecurity. This can manifest itself in many ways; Someone you know has put on weight only posting photos from a year ago,  a feed full to the brim of body selfies coupled with long ‘deep’ captions to try and imply they are more than the pair of boobs they just posted etc…

These are very common occurrences, and believe me when I say I’m not judging anyone for it, I partake in plenty of selfies too. But there are some people who bypass these clues and just come out and say it. They post pictures or upload stories outlining what they hate about themselves, once or twice I wouldn’t really bat an eyelid, but I’m talking every day. It really makes me sad.

I am a huge believer in how we are influenced by our surroundings and the people we spend time with. For this reason I advise people to carefully consider who and what they expose themselves to. If you are in an environment that promotes happiness, healthiness and ambition you are going to be onto a winner in most cases. However, sometimes that is not enough. Some people are their own worst critic and are unbelievably harsh on themselves. I would argue that this is unhealthy. As this picture states, be careful what you say to yourself, because if it is all negative, you are going to start believing it. Think of yourself as a sponge, we absorb what is around us and hold onto it until someone wrings it out of us. Awful metaphor aside, this is the season of wringing.

In 2019 I think we should all focus on self love and self improvement. I have seen some bloggers saying that the self love movement for this year could lead us into a selfish society, but I disagree. To say that we need to focus on our own interests and happiness does not automatically inhibit us from helping other people do the same, in fact I would encourage it.

The main thing is to be kind. To yourself, to other people, to animals it doesn’t matter, just be kind. Life is too short to be mean, especially to yourself.

Build your 2019

flowers

I came across this picture during one of my daily social media trawling sessions and it really made me smile. Not only is the illustration sweet but the message is surprisingly relevant and poignant.

Contrary to popular belief, the world does not owe us anything. We are not owed success, we are not owed happiness and we are definitely not owed an easy life. For the most part, how we progress in life is wholly dependant on us. And that is how it should be, it is our life after all. We basically live within a world of cause and effect; we get back what we put in.

There are so many things happening in the world which are bigger than the individuals. 2018 brought us the political situation in the U.S, the nightmare of the Brexit negotiations in the U.K and the natural disasters happening elsewhere in the world, so we should strive to take control of what we are able to and put our lives in the best positions we can.

Put your happiness first, it is so important and often treated as an after thought or a bonus when it is a necessity.

Work hard, your work is a reflection of you and thus should be approached with everything you have.

Strive to improve yourself in any way no matter how small, that’s the crux of what life is about to me; self improvement. Everyday you should go to bed a tiiiiiiny bit better off than when you woke up.

Be active, if you have been blessed with a body unaffected by ailments then pleaseeeee take advantage of it, use it, appreciate it.

All of these things are good for your health, your productivity or your state of mind and those are what we should be prioritising for ourselves in 2019.

This post feels kind of bleak and serious for a Friday but it is something I felt compelled to write this morning. I’m kind of impulsive. But even if only one person reads this and takes something away from it then that will be enough. Let’s get passionate about our lives again, take back control and don’t let our potential prosperity be over shadowed by things we have been made to feel are more important than ourselves. They’re not!

Let’s create the world we want to live in, it’s possible!

Let me know your thoughts on the picture/subject matter, I would love to discuss further.

J x